Home Of Self Conscious Contradictions

Pulse Check

2008-04-25T23:55:59Z

So, yes. New job is going somewhere. I haven't the foggiest where...

I'm bored and constantly gaming at home trying to conserve. I'm looking at a mere 10 weeks before I need to find a new place. I still don't know how that's going to pan out. Hopefully things will start falling into place within the next 4 weeks and I can stress less. All I can say is that attempting to plan the next 6 months fills me with dread and the dire certainty that this will end poorly. If I'm careful, cautious, and watch each step carefully, I should pull through without a problem. That seems like a huge "if" to me.

I suppose I'll behave a little while longer, though it pains me, and appease my financial adviser until my fall tuition is paid.

I really miss my dog. More than I miss my social life.

This mopey bit of random brought to you by $3.61 a gallon for gas.

Not asleep yet!

2008-04-08T07:45:41Z

Running recap.... These past few weeks have been crazy with change and, well...stuff.
A quick list and hopefully more details as time and thoughts organize themselves:

Frolicon - I’m not that fat nor and I that crazy. I would never qualify as a lifestyler nor would I ever be caught dead in sequined nipple pasties.

Two flat tires - one actual flat and then my destroyed spare. The guys at Quality Tire ROCK!

New Job - FUN. There’s plenty to do so the day flies by. Haven’t made any friends yet, but I don’t work to find a social life anyway.

Looking for a new place - Several look promising, but I don’t know if this is solo or if I’ve got roomies still. Well, I did get one official letter that he has found better options somewhere else. Best of Luck!

Parents visited - Not too bad a visit since I didn’t feel microscopic after they left. At some point my family will believe that I’m grown.

Ex has found new girl - Happy for him and hopes life stops kicking him in the ding.

Officially attending Dragon*con. The pass has been bought and the rooms will be reserved tomorrow. Excited!

Energy Drinks - Monster by day and Rockstar by night. I have SO MUCH ENERGY!

Still alive and working through things to make my life easier. Will be back on Trillian starting Wednesday (not that it makes a difference) but I hope to catch up with quite a few people.

The NCDMV

2008-03-17T17:36:07Z

It never fails that the lines are disgustingly long at the DMV. It doesn't matter how far I drive and into what county, the lines are horrendously long and the people are always in a bad mood. It's almost worth saving the gas and going to the one on South Blvd. I may even see Rick Flair in line there, looking out of place and a bit out of sorts. Wooo!

Today was no exception to the rule. My mission, to procure one over-priced purple sticker for my dirty license plate. The lines in the Harrisburg office where as expected, long enough to reach the door. I'm standing in line with my registration from last year and 40 dollars waiting just to hand them money, get change and walk out. Good thing they've got 4 girls on the job. And by on the job, I mean doing nothing but registration renewals and plate returns. This would be an ideal system, save for the lack of two distinct lines. Last I checked the bulk of humanity is not telepathic. When one lady calls out for the next in line for plate surrender or registration renewal, everyone in the back is wondering, "is that me?" because there's no way to tell who's ahead that may be doing the same as yourself. Which of course leads to the more cattle headed individuals scrambling from the back of the line to the front ahead of us trying to cut in. One lady insisted that they were calling her up front. I don't know what voices where calling to her, but she is not getting ahead of me just because she was being "called" .

"Lady, get your fat red-necked ass behind me and the three other people that were ahead of you. Be sure to pick up the poor old man here for his handicap renewal on your way back there since you flattened both him and his oxygen tank on your mad dash to the front of the line." For cripes-sake people, it's the DMV not the rapture! No one is going to get left behind while in this line.

While I'm standing in line I'm made intensely aware of the odor of humans packed into little spaces. I like people watching as much as the next, but I'd really rather not smell them. The unwashed population of Harrisburg sardined together is not pleasant by any stretch of the word. I prayed for the Febreeze ninja, but got to the head of the line before he could make his appearance.

Thankfully, the trip was a great deal shorter than it could've been and I'll be able to salvage my good mood and clear nasal passages before the evening reaches me. Till then, I suppose a little gaming is called for.

I have a secret...

2008-03-14T14:05:36Z

I think I've gone off the deep end and I couldn't really be happier about it.

I start a new job on the 27th and can say bye-bye to most of my financial issues since they will be resolved shortly after that. Full-time employment really makes all the difference in the world.

But that's not the secret. The secret is actually kinda dangerous to a few people I know. I'm not going to say who, but I can't wait till they find out! My inner child is giggling with glee. The feeling is much akin to holding a creme pie and waiting for my victim to walk around a corner. In all actuality it's pretty much what I'm doing. Only in the mental sense. Good thing mental pies are easier to clean up even if they are less tasty.

I should be chastising myself for lack of responsibility but my sense of fun will not allow it. I'm lurking around a corner, flat to the ground... Waiting....

Heeheehee!

Is it time to have good luck yet?

2008-03-07T21:54:29Z

I'm an insanely happy person. Annoyingly so. Constantly so. Well, I should exclude lately. Lately, I've been super-emo-bitch from worry and stress-ridden hell.

I think I'm rather tired of that.

I'm sure everyone remotely interested in my life is well aware of my rage against being powerless. I hate that feeling. The emotion curdles my blood and carves deep gashes into my soul. Even worse is that, at times, I'll assume the blame fo things not happening outside my control. Too vague? I'll indulge you.

I've been working part-time for a while now. As a secondary income or with student scholarships in addition part-time is an easy and beautiful thing. But when work is all you have and the bills are mocking you in their frequency it's almost impossible to survive under the financial strain. To make matters worse, I'm failing my racial stereotype! Am I not suppose to be good with money?!

But the truth is, I'm already living rather barebones and have obtained assistance from one very persistent Michael Porter. What he doesn't know is that I'm factoring in interest and he's not going to be happy. When that happens, I'll be happy and that's really all my selfish little heart desires. So, I suppose I need either better pay or full time work. Seems to be a joke in today's thrashing economy. The economic trend and what the analysts say flop frantically back and forth like a squirrel that's been clipped by a car, tail flapping/limbs churning with aborted signals from the brain and spine. But I digress. The naked truth about jobs is that I cannot make a company hire me, no matter how qualified I am, if they don't read my cover letter or think my resume is impressive enough. That's their opinion and they are welcome to it. I cannot let 2 months intense search with no results affect my over all mood. I'm aggressive and know what I want. Just becaue there's not a slot for it on my app doesn't mean I'm not fucking impressive.

Having said that, I'm going to keep fighting through all the shit in life and redouble my efforts in finding better employ. I'll even up my rate of harassment and expand my field of search. With interviews already scheduled for the beginning of the week, I'm feeling better than I have in months.

A lot of things are not in my power, but I'll wrangle the ones that are with bulldog stubbornness and no little pride.

I'm thinking of you.

2008-02-21T08:19:55Z

Monday night saw the passing of a sweet old man from my life and the lives of many others. An older gent with large hands and a ready smile for any who crossed his path, Bob was the gentle uncle that would've snuck me sweets before dinner. A skilled pipe maker and self taught in his craft, he remained open to opinions but forever true to his art.

I miss your loud voice telling stories with no point. I miss the way you'd grab my knee to get my attention. I miss sitting beside you and talking shop on Saturdays. Cigars won't be the same without your company and pipes have lost an artisan. I thinking about you, Mr. Ray, and I hold these thoughts dear.

Thanks for touching my life.

Lover's Holiday

2008-02-15T09:24:18Z

I have no complaints about Valentine's Day. I never have and don't ever intend to. It's day to celebrate love and possibly be with a person that you just happen to love. I'm not bitter over past relationships and I'm not hating the holiday for it's obvious commercial purposes. If I were to bring the rage for any commercial holiday, it would be for Xmas. But that's an entirely different rant.

I don't really have a point to this entry aside from saying that I had a wonderful day and hope others did too. I know that there are many singles out there that have tried and failed repeatedly to have something like happy relationships. To that end, all I can say is that the date 2/14 has nothing to do with whether or not you are single. Nor does it have anything to do with how your last relationship ended or how bitter you feel inside towards anyone from your past. On the same footing, Valentine's Day doesn't affect the relationships that could've been "if only...
"
Single or not, I feel loved all the time and know my friends feel my affections for them too. I may not be the "one" for any of them, but the emotion is there and it is true. Just a note to those wasting my air on rants of bitterness, it's not a date that makes or breaks your mood or feelings, it's your attitude.

Not really a great idea....

2008-02-11T15:34:36Z

Ok, I've finally caved and decided to setup a livejournal. Truth be told, it wasn't really caving as finally deciding on a username. I can't have too many of them since it's damn near impossible to keep all of my internet aliases already. Silly people need to stop stealing my artificial identity!

I don't know what makes me think that I'll blog here more than I do on myspace. But maybe something new will spur me to poke at it more often. It most certainly couldn't hurt. After all, this is just what everyone in the world needs, one more thing to keep up with. To those who know me, you'll laugh because you know that I like to stay insanely busy at all times with both important and stupid things. One more thing won't make me sleep anymore or any less.

This is page is now in it's fledgling stages and I'm curious to see where it goes from here. Whee! Adventure!